My Death Anniversary

I  love rituals, the morning ritual of waking up, going to work, the evening ritual of going to bed. I like the comfort in it. 

I come from a culture which is full of rituals, most of them are religious. I used to find a lot of them annoying and still do. But I do love the rituals during festivals. The sadhya and swing for onam, the firecrackers for Diwali and the stars we hung outside our house for Xmas, kolam for pongal.

When we grew up Ammumma and Thatha used to remember the passing away of their loved ones by making a feast for the deceased. The feast includes the favorite food and drinks of the loved one who passed away.

After my dear friend passed away I started following this ritual. Every year on the day of his death, I will make his favorite dishes and buy sprite or 7up as he did not drink alcohol and his go to drink was sprite. 

While growing up, I didn't understand the significance of this ritual, but making a meal for a loved one is a loving way to remember the person, mourn for them, heal a little. When you grow up, as we make this meal together for him I will tell you stories about my friend so that his memories gets passed onto the next generation. 

Just lighting a lamp or singing a song takes few minutes, you may remember the person but it is short. You sigh and you think about some fond memories of that person and move on with your life. But I find cooking a meal for them is slightly different. In my friend's case, he was our lunch group leader. According to him it was an invitation only club and he made sure everyone showed up on time. He has invited me to his house multiple times, and we have had super bowl parties at his place. 

Now it has been 4 years since his death, and I find myself forgetting the little details. As I cook for him, I force the memories back. And making the feast for an hour or so my heart fills with different emotions, first sad, then my heart breaks a little, then I think of happy memories with him, watching movies, playing pranks at work, going out for dinner and by the end of the meal, I sit with a heavy heart. 

Finally I understand this ritual, more than anything  else, it is way to spend time and your energy for your loved one, and you wish from the bottom of the heart that they were with you sharing the meal with you.

So baby girl, when I die, on my death anniversary what would you make for me? This is so typical of me, telling you how to celebrate my death and planning the way it should be ( or the way I think it should be). 

I like so many foods that I think you may have to do a rotation. Odd years you make a veggie bonanza meal with lentils, rice, peas curry, beetroot, cauliflower curry , even years you can make roti and yummy thatha's chicken curry. And of course a screwdriver with a generous pouring of vodka. 

If there is something like after life, I will visit you and sit with you while you prepare the food for me and we can reminisce over our memories together. I love you baby this life and after.