My friend asked me why I share on Facebook. She feels that there is no need to express my thoughts and pictures to the group of friends who are not real , in her own words “they are just jobless and just scroll through your posts”. She also asked who are these posts for?
I think it is a valid point, why do we do certain things. Who is a friend and why do I post pictures or my thoughts to my friends.
I have less than 250 friends on Facebook. Are they all my friends? I can say for sure that more than 50 are acquaintances or distant relatives, then there is another 50 who never login or I don't even know that they are my Facebook friends. But there are more than 100 people in that group who were part of my life in the last three decades. Would they qualify the statement “ A friend in need in a friend indeed”, probably depending on what I need :)
Who is a friend? Is it the girl, now grown woman who walked with me everyday to school for years, but I have not met/spoken or even texted for more than 2 decades, is it my coworker who had lunch with me everyday for five years but now I just send a text for his birthday, is it my young relative who I did not have much connection growing up but feel happiness in my heart to see him all grown up or is it a parent of my daughter’s friend that I met recently, but talk every week at daycare?
In my definition, the answer to who is a friend is all the above. They have all affected my life in different ways, I would say anyone who has touched and changed my life in a positive way is my friend. The positive does not have to be a help in need, the positive can be teaching me more patience, giggling with me when I was a teenager, teaching me the outlook of the new generation, giving parenting tips or just bringing a smile to my day.
When I read an old friend’s post, it could take me back to the long walks in school, doing assignments together, the petty rivalry over ratting out to the teacher and just the little joy in my heart seeing how my friend’s daughter and her smile are exactly the same. I may not comment on the post, just press “like” and I scroll down, but that moment is positive in my heart.
Another friend of mine posts about an issue at work or a social issue, I am usually curious and interested in what they have to say. After all, many of them have grown up to be amazing individuals (at least from the rosy picture on Facebook). Sometimes it reflects my world view and I “like” it or I roll my eyes and I scroll. The comments and views of my friends on social issues make me feel that I am not the only one going through doubts about the way society is going, it gives me the feeling that we are all in this together. Once in awhile, I end up reading a good article shared by a friend or learn some interesting thing which I would otherwise have never come across.
I am sure there are some who judge me for my posts, but I believe there are many who genuinely like and are happy for me and “like” my posts for that reason, or at least I am optimistic about it . Recently I announced on fb I am pregnant and my ex-colleagues organized a lunch meet and it was the most fun I had on weekday lunch in weeks. There were no awkward pauses or judging, it was as if I was back in the same group and having a regular lunch, they commenting on my belly and my attitude, re-orgs at work and all the names I was called during my first pregnancy.
Would I have met them for lunch without Facebook, sure I would have , would I have the same amount of fun, probably yes, but would I known that my friend is an uncle now, my coworkers daughter went to an engineering camp and another friend was soon to be a dad. These are people I have not met for months but I still feel part of their lives and I am glad I have a platform to be part of their lives. Do I like that, yes, very much.
I wish I can organize lunch with a lot of my other friends, but distance, time and responsibilities do not allow it all the time . But I do feel genuinely happy to be a small part of my friend’s life and watching them grow old. I am sure most of them feel the same when they see my posts too, if they don’t, too bad for them.
The next question which my friend did not ask, but I think about is the happy picture everyone paints on Facebook. Vacations to exotic locations, celebrations with family is the norm. Is that my life. Yes and so much more...
I may be oversimplifying this, it is similar to why you wear old favorite clothes at home and when you go out to work you dress better. The clothes at home may still be clean and you may love them more than some other work clothes, but you put a certain face to people outside your immediate circle. I know of no one (except monks and saints, again I don't know any of them) who behave the same way to everyone.
Similarly, my house is decently clean most of the time, but if someone is visiting, you spend that extra 10 minutes to make sure all is tidy. Does that mean I am being fake, not really, these are all part of who I am. I am not one person, I am mix of personalities. Is it healthy to buy expensive clothes or wear clothes out of your comfort zone to please someone, is it a good idea to buy fancy furniture to show off to the person visiting your house...Similarly in Facebook, are you getting obsessed with your image, are you photo shopping pictures or are you just choosing which thoughts or pictures to post...
I think it is for every individual to draw the line. We all decide to draw our own lines, This is the story I want to tell you about my life, the portion that I want you to see, is it fake, No. Is it the whole picture - not at all.
Another question that you did not ask but I think about is when I post pictures of my daughter. Am I doing right by her? What about her digital privacy? Would I like it now if my mother had posted things about me 30 years ago. I don't have many filters on posts just about me. But every time I post anything about my child, I do a mental checklist, will I be OK if this appears in the newspaper tomorrow, will she laugh at this decades from now, is this a memory I want to scroll through years later. If the answer to all the above is yes, then I post it.
Now the next question is who are you posting these pictures for, it is for me and me alone! When I say me, it is for MY friends that I want to share MY world with and all the “jobless” people like me. Most of these people are not jobless, they have a busy schedule with full time paid work, children and lot of responsibilities. But they all share a common thread to reach out to the people who were once important in their life and share their world. I think that is a basic instinct which everyone has - even you my dear friend who keeps scrolling and keeping tab of what I and other people do in Facebook, even when you hide behind someone else's name :)
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