Thank you for making it all worth it!

 This happens to me every year, around spring, just before summer time when I am glowing. There is a spring in my step and people around me ask- “What is the matter, why do you look so happy.” Of course, I know the reason, my parents are going to visit me for few weeks…

The easy banter, the loud laughter, the pampering and it does not matter that I am a mother or a manager, to them I am still the same little girl.  Every year when I drive to pick them up from the airport, I have mixed emotions. The happiness in meeting them leads to something heavy in my heart. If I feel so happy just to see them for few weeks, wouldn’t I be much happier if I never left the country. Every year this question nags me -”Did I make the right decision few years ago?”

I did not come to this country fleeing drug lords or a bad economy. I had a great job, a wonderful home and a loving family but there was always this itch to see the world, get out of the comfort zone and explore the real me.

I came here looking for good education, challenging work and to experience different culture and a society which is more welcoming to single women. I found it all and more, but the deep ache of missing my family was always there. Sometimes in the most unexpected times it comes up, the swelling in the heart, the sighs, the thought about the hugs and laughter that I am missing.

The feeling surfaces every year during my 45 minute drive and my wait at the airport. When I see my parents come through the door in the airport arrival entrance, I burst into tears. This is quite uncharacteristic of me, but it happens pretty much every single time. I cry for everything I could have had if I never left them and stayed in a place so far away.

Well, this year was a little different. I was still glowing and on the day my parents arrived, I was on a tight schedule. I worked till noon, then I picked you up and then I just relaxed. I was in your world, the simple world of a toddler and her Amma. We had a nice lunch together at a restaurant nearby, then we set off to the airport. You were chatting with me the whole time during the drive.

 NYC (2010)

There was no time to reminiscence about what I had lost or how life would have been different if I had not decided to move so far away from home during the drive. We reached the airport early, but I let you nap in the car while I read some book. I had plenty of time to go back to my old way of having that feeling of regret, but not once did I feel that way.

Then it was time to go and wait for Thatha and Ammumma. We both went and there they were, just outside the gate. They rushed to me, but all eyes were on you. Your reaction, your smile, my mind and my thoughts got lost on you and my parents.

It felt wonderful to see you bond, no feelings of regret, no swelling of sadness in the heart, just pure happiness. Just the spring in my step and the glow on my face.

The years away from “home” and having my own home now changed my perspective. I am glad to be here, now with you and my parents.

Even the ritual of musing about good old days whenever my parents come to visit me has gone and I realize that these are good days, excellent days which I will look back longingly as the good old days in a few years!

Thank you chella kutty for making it all worth!