Soulmates

Your Baba and my wedding anniversary is coming soon. I do a little soul searching at this time every year, spend some time thinking about our married life- the joy, love, shortcomings, frustrations, fun, commitment to each other and our life in general.

I grew up with a dose of Indian movies and in most of these movies, they glorify soulmates -  two souls joined since the beginning of times, lost in the universe but are meant to be with each other and life is incomplete without the other. I usually roll my eyes at this nonsense.

But last week, I came across another definition for soul mates in two places – in an article in a magazine  and and where else but a hindi movie.

In the movie, a young girl asks her Doctor about soulmates and he replies, yes there are soulmates, but not in the definition of one person is a soulmate for everything.  We each have someone who we just have a beautiful time without trying hard at all - a soulmate to discuss music, a soulmate to discuss politics, a soulmate to crib about work, a soulmate to travel and the list goes on. Asking your life partner to be a soulmate to all the above is ridiculous, impractical and doomed for failure. When I listened to Sharukh talk, I was happy to hear finally someone who thinks like me…The script writers of the movie articulated it much better than I did, but you get the idea.

Then in the next day or so, I came across the Times article that said something similar – “True soul mates are made, not born”. I cannot agree more! When your baba and I met, it was not love at first sight. It was a gradual liking that turned to love and a decision to spend the rest of our lives together. The decision was made because we are soulmates to each other in a lot of aspects of life, but not all.

After more than 6 years of knowing him and being married for 6 years, I can tell you that we are now more in love with each other than we were 6 year ago. Marriage is definitely work, but it has to be fun work, something that you look forward to working on every day. 

Here are some lessons I learned from watching my marriage and others around me.

1) Happiness - If you were not happy being single, I doubt you will find happiness being married. Happiness is a state of mind and do not put the burden on your spouse. Yes, your spouse can make your life miserable, but if you have found a person who shares your core values and there is love and respect in the relationship, then you are good to go.

2) Once a week or month spend a day putting your spouse first and you second in everything you do. The meals you prepare, the conversations you have and the chores at home. It helps you to loosen your ego and look at things from their perspective. This opens our mind a little and gives you a deeper understanding of your relationship.

3) Talk - It is good to talk, I mean really talk, what made you happy, sad, frustrated. Sometimes we do not realize how our actions  affect our partners. After few years of living together, you pretty much know how your partner reacts, but still it is good to keep talking. Your Baba and I realized that we do not get quality conversation these days as you take over pretty much all our conversations. So we meet once a month and have lunch together just so that we can get conversation done.

4) Life is silly- Do not take anything seriously including your marriage. Have fun and don't sweat the small stuff.

I hope you find your soul mate. If you find the right partner, you will keep falling more and more in love as the days go by...

Love

Amma