My father, your grandfather/Thatha grew up in a small village in South India. It was so small and rural that the village only had an elementary school. My guess is in the 1950s in that part of the world, not all children got an education beyond the basics of reading and writing. Most children stopped education around middle school and helped the family or got married...but not your thatha.
He was excellent in studies and did not care much about being a farmer/business. So he went to high school in the city nearby. He had to walk 10 kms everyday to get to school. He would wake up early in the morning and leave for school. Thatha gives credit to these lonely long walks for his very strong math skills as he would try to do all the math problems in his head as he was walking to to and from school. Anyway the story is not about how awesome thatha is...which we all know he is...but about the love and bond between a mother and son.
Thatha’s family lived in austere conditions, which was the norm in his village at the time. He owned 2 shirts and pants - one to wear and the other had to be washed every day so that it would be clean for the next day. On most days, he had a breakfast of steaming hot idlis before he left for school and his mother packed him lunch. After school, he would come back to work in the grocery store his parents owned, have dinner and go to bed on the open terrace. Rinse and repeat every single school day, except...
One day, Ayyamma, my grandmother, your great grandmother would tell Thatha as he was leaving for school -” Check your pockets, take good care of things in your pockets, don't let anything fall out...” When Thatha heard this remark from his mother, it confused him as he was a very responsible boy and took care of his things. He didn't understand why she was asking him to check his pockets as he never carried anything in them but did not dare question her in front of his father as Thatha was scared of speaking in front of his father.
He walked a few steps from home and checked his pocket and realized his pockets were not empty. To his delight, there was a five Rupee note. There were no explanations, no big hugs or outward showing of emotion - just a simple " Check your pockets" statement from his mother. But thatha knew what she meant. She did not have to spell out the love he had for him. Thatha knew that Ayyamma had saved her hard earned money and wanted to give her son a little treat! But she didn't want to say/act like she was giving him money to buy treats in case his father found out or other children felt it was favoritism. It was a code between a mother and a son...a mother, like any other who wanted to give and do so much for her children, but didn't have the resources for it. But she still did it in her own way - squirreling away one rupee at a time and hiding it in his pocket so that thatha could have a little money to spend on whatever he wanted. Even though the family may have many real needs, Ayyamma chose to use her money to delight her son!
Thatha’s luxury was - you guessed it right - snacks!! Street snacks!! Now you know the love for food you have is in your genes :) Vendors sell vada and other treats like fresh warm jilebi in the street and thatha would splurge on some snacks with this money.
When I heard this story as a child, I fell in love with it! Just like you, I could not relate to the story but I saw thatha’s eyes dancing with glee at the mention of the vada, the surprise on his face when he found the money the first time and the secret code ever since between the two of them. Of all the fantastic stories from his childhood, this one was always my favorite!
So a few years ago, when Thatha visited me in the US for the first time , as he was leaving the US to fly back home, I slipped a 100$ bill into Thatha’s pocket. Then just before he went into the airport security, I told him - “ Check your pockets, take good care of things in your pocket, don't let anything fall out...” Thatha gave me a quizzical look at the strange choice of parting words but he knew , he knew what I was saying...he knew I was doing the same like his mother after all these years...
Now it is a code between us that is sort of like a family joke. When he leaves for the airport after visiting me, we both laugh when I ask him to check his pockets and we discuss what he could buy in the duty free over his layover.
The thing is I have never told you this story...you don't know the secret code between Ayyamma and thatha or the one between me and my father. So it is very interesting to me what happened this week...
Every time I go on a business trip, you give me a card or some chocolates. But this week you went overboard and gave me a care package for every day of my trip.
On Monday, I got a card with a hand made book mark and chocolates. On Tuesday I got an “ essential kit” care package. The essential kit included hair ties, bands, ruler, lollipops and a 10$ note! I asked you why you packed me money and you said -” Use it in case of emergency, but if there are no emergencies, you can use it for a drink as I am sure you had a very long day” . The moment you said it , the thought that came to my mind was Ayyamma giving money to Thatha with no explanation for a little treat, and here you are...more than 50 years later, giving me a little bit of your money to splurge on my trip! I know in our case the roles have reversed just like it did with me and my father, but it is very nice to know that someone is looking out for you and wants you to have a little fun.
Do you think Ayyamma would approve of your care package? I think yes definitely yes. 100% yes...she may not agree with the choice of a ruler or using the money to have a dink after a long day...maybe she would approve if I bought some tacos!! Yes, I think tacos are a good idea! What do you think?
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