We don't even have ghosts in common!

Few months into marriage, we were watching a movie. It is a 90s malayalam movie that I have watched more times than I should. Anyone who knows me knows that I am not a movie buff, but if there is one movie that I can recite dialogues off of, it is this one.

Few minutes into the movie there is a scene of a woman in a white sari at night, there is the sound of anklets in the background and a close up of her long flowing hair. I look at my him and ask excitedly, ``Are you feeling a little scared?” He looks puzzled and asks,”Why? It is just a woman walking in the night.” I am like - but it is not any ordinary woman, is it? She is wearing a white sari, long hair, anklets...He was still looking at me with a clueless expression. 

That is when I realized, OMG! We do not even have ghosts in common. Not even ghosts...can you believe that? What do your ghosts look like? Canadian ghosts? Chinese ghosts? What scared you when you were a kid? He finally got the message that this woman was supposed to portray an Indian ghost but it stuck with me. Of course I knew that we did not pray to the same Gods or talked the same language to our parents, none of this fazed me. Interestingly but what really bothered me was  we don't even have silly annoying ghosts in common...

It is true...I fell in love with someone who does not look like me, did not grow up in the same culture or anything remotely similar. 

He keeps confusing idli and dosa. But when I make dosa and I ask him if he wants one more after this 6th dosa. He says, “Yes, please” in the perfect mannered Canadian he is and I roll my eyes and say, "Indians don't eat 6 dosas in one meal". He smiles and asks, “ Then can I drink the rest of the sambhar?” and I say, “Indians don't do that either”. He laughs and says - “ They should, it is really tasty! “ I am yet to see another human being enjoy Indian food more than him!

In a culture where dark skin is always less valued than the maan niram (“deer skin color” Indian people are obsessed with fair skin color), I won the jackpot when it comes to appreciation of beauty. They say beauty is in the eyes of the beholder  and the best example is in my house. I was the ugly duckling till I moved countries :) Now when I wake up with my sleepy eyes and tousled hair or I come back from a run, he just stares and asks, “What did I do to deserve this amazing person I can call as my wife”. I get this comment not just once in a while, but pretty much every single time... It never gets tiring and I enjoy the adoration!

I am the queen of planning, but he is the king of execution. Sometimes my ideas are brilliant, but at times (a lot of times) out right ridiculous. Last fall, the little one really really wanted to be outside, but I had some work inside the house and he really wanted to mow the lawn. Little one was too young to be left by himself outside in the yard. So I had this impractical idea of - "Why don't you take him in the hiking bag, put him in your back and mow the lawn? Similar to how mothers worked in the olden times in the fields". And that is what he did - a 30 lb giggling toddler in the your back, a 100 lb lawn mover and an acre to mow! But after an hour I had an ecstatic 2 year old and a partner sweating and smiling. I have way too many stories similar to this one, it is wonderful to always know that there is someone in your life who not only listens to your ideas but actually implements them!

There are certain things you know when you decide to marry someone, like his respect for women, his moods, the quirkiness and his amazing smile when he dances.  But there are others that you never thought of or did not even know to look for. I had no clue how we will be as parents, but every single day I am amazed by his dedication as a father. The level of dedication he places in every single part of their lives - whether it is the ingredients we cook, to the laundry detergent to the toothpaste to the filter in their bath tubs is sometimes a little too much. But I guess when you are an involved parent you are involved in every single stage and part of their lives. 

It is not uncommon in our house when Amma falls asleep before the children (to my defense, I wake up early and like to be in bed by 9 pm and some nights the kids have far more energy than me) and Baba takes over the reins. Other nights after we both put the kids to sleep and he comes over to chat about the day and the next morning I ask - “ So, what were you asking yesterday night?”. He smiles and says “I was talking and as usual you feel asleep”.

It has been an interesting journey, these 9 years. It does not matter if you don't get scared of my ghosts, I love us the way we are. I hope in the next another 9 years I fall asleep listening to your voice!