Bold like Ammumma!!

The year is 1993. I am in Thampanoor station with Amma at night saying goodbye to my sister as she boards the bus that will take her overnight to her university. She is bright eyed, ready to board the bus and amma tells her multiple times, call me after you reach there, be safe, eat well, Patthu eru!

We get into the auto to go back home and amma holds my hands and clenches them tight. I look at her and see her eyes filled with tears, but she does not cry. She holds the tears back. The teenager in me looks at her and thinks that she is sad about my sister leaving. But now as an adult and as a mother to a daughter I know better.

After my sister finished her bachelors in science, Thatha wanted to get her married, this is the norm in society and it was a very rational decision at that time. But Ammumma refused, here is a woman who has never walked the corridors of college, never experienced the freedom of living alone but wanted great things for her daughter.

It is one thing to want great things, but it is another to stand against what is considered normal in the society and give your child these opportunities. Ammumma is not naive, she knew about the struggles of studying in a different state , the difficulty of travelling as a young woman in India, the prospects of her marriage after she graduates with masters as she will be “over qualified” for a groom, the many things that can go wrong for a woman living away from her family in India.

But Ammumma refused to let her daughter be another “housewife”. She wanted her child to experience freedom, higher education, meet new people from different culture, all the things she never dreamed for herself when she was at that age.

As a mother, your primary instinct is to protect your child, hold them, cuddle them and keep them from all harm. But as the child grows older, you have to let them go, first let them explore the garden, then the city, the country and the world. This is easier said than done.

You left home to go to daycare this month. The first day when I let you go and you cried, my heart clenched in a way that it has never done in my life. I know you are safe and what I am doing is good for you, but there is some instinct in me that just wants to hold you for ever. I know every mother goes through this, and we all make decisions that we believe is good for our child, even though a lot of these decisions breaks her heart.

Now when I look back at the auto rickshaw drive, I know now how Amma was feeling, she clenched my hands not only because her baby was leaving home but because her heart was clenching thinking of all the risks she is taking to give opportunities to her daughter.

She stood against the society who overprotects their daughters, never lets them out of their sight without a trusted escort, wants to marry them off at a young age so that they are no longer a “burden” to the family.

I am often told that we are very bold. We are bold because we observed the boldness of this frail woman from a conservative family from a small town who has shown us at every step in life to weigh the risks and take in the opportunities that life gives you! I hope you grow up to be bold just like your Ammumma!